


If You Would Kindly Sign Here, Sir?

by Vanessa_Cocotea



Category: Doctor Who (TV Movie 1996)
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-26
Updated: 2013-08-26
Packaged: 2017-12-24 18:50:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/943419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanessa_Cocotea/pseuds/Vanessa_Cocotea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From 2009:</p><p>Eight and Daisy are called in to interview an alien. Embarrassment, inconvenience, magic, trickery and annoyance ensues...</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Would Kindly Sign Here, Sir?

The Doctor had been called in to see the alien. For some reason the Doctor hadn't discovered as yet, the current situation was not being handled by UNIT, but by another organisation entirely. Apparently, though, UNIT had suggested the organisation - PROJECT FINDOUT, consult the Doctor. The Doctor had to admit he was curious and now he and Daisy were in the security area, preparing to be cleared. The alien was in a sterile chamber and all visitors had to be decontaminated before entering. They also had to wear what looked like wetsuits. So, the Doctor and Daisy were given separate cubicles to change out of their clothes and into the wetsuits. An assistant stood by to receive their things.

When they stepped out of the cubicles, wearing the suits - which left only their faces uncovered, they were asked to wait whilst two attendants catalogued their possessions, after which they would finish the decontamination procedure and be allowed in to see the alien. One attendant started with Daisy's things, whilst the other took on the Doctor's possessions. The Doctor and Daisy grinned at each other, leaving the attendants somewhat puzzled. Still, they proceeded.

"The young lady's belongings include one hat, one long-sleeved striped t-shirt, one pair of corduroy overalls, long stockings, canvas shoes, the usual undergarments, one bracelet, one locked journal, one pen and one teddy bear, sir."

"Very good." The supervisor replied. "Put the things in the container until after the interview. Now, for the gentleman."

The other attendant began on the Doctor's belongings. "One bottle green velvet frock coat, one grey silk brocade waistcoat, one grey silk cravat - with sapphire stickpin, one white wing-collared linen shirt - with gold and sapphire cufflinks, one pair of dun coloured linen trousers - with button front, one pair of braces, one pair of boxers, socks, shoes. There are some things in the pockets as well." At this, Daisy stifled a giggle and the Doctor grinned. He was rather looking forward to this - partly because he wanted to see the reaction and partly because he couldn't quite remember the entire contents of his pockets himself. The attendant continued. "One fob watch and chain, one yo-yo, one key or something - I believe, a...um, metal rod of some sort, bag of sweets, journal, three pens, ticket to a place called the "Florana House of Flower Cuisine" tour, passport to the universe from some museum, teddy bear" - at this the Doctor and Daisy grinned at each other and exclaimed, "SNAP!" - "box of 40 condoms - with one left..." Here everyone in the room gaped at the Doctor, who coughed several times and blushed furiously. As they continued to stare - Daisy wide-eyed with astonishment, the Doctor felt he had no choice but to offer some explanation.

"Ah, yes, well...you see..." He began, then gulped and continued. "a...ah...former companion of mine, Bernice, was a...ah...little...ah...enthusiastic...and...ah..."no" wasn't her favourite word and...ah...well...ah..." He gave up, not wishing to say anything more. The security team openly smirked, while the attendant continued going through the Doctor's pockets. After some time, he was still emptying things out into a storage container. The supervisor turned to the Doctor.

"Sir, would you mind explaining just how many things are in those pockets of yours and just how you got all of that into pockets of that size?"

"Not at all". The Doctor, still embarrassed about the earlier "find" and relieved that no more embarrassing items had been found, replied. "You see, my pockets are pan-dimensional - existing in more than one dimension. If you would allow me?" The Doctor stepped forwards and, partially concealed from everyone, employed the trick Daisy had seen him use before, but still she couldn't see exactly what he did. "There you are! All clear and ready to put into your container...ah...containers." The Doctor said, grinning at the mountain of objects residing on the table and floor of the security room. The security staff just gaped at the things which had appeared as if by magic. An attendant waved a scanning device over the Doctor's pockets, but found nothing more in them.

"How...?" The attendant stared at the Doctor, who just grinned. "Oh, nevermind!" He turned to the supervisor. "Sir, how am I to catalogue all of this?"

The supervisor put his fingers to his temples and rubbed, then sighed. "Assorted junk! Just put assorted junk!"

"I object! My possessions are NOT JUNK!" The Doctor protested.

"That's as may be, sir. But, for convenience, the description stands. Now, sir, miss, if you would please interview our guest for us? After which you may both file your reports, sign for your things and go. Frankly, I can't imagine why UNIT wouldn't handle this one." The supervisor sighed.

"As you wish." The Doctor replied. He and Daisy moved into the room to see a sinister-looking man with black hair and dressed all in black, who grinned wickedly at them.

"Hello, Doctor!"

"Ohh, for Rassilon's ba...elbow! YOU!" The Doctor groaned and contemplated his and Daisy's leaving immediately.

FIN

**Author's Note:**

> I had a wild craving to do something involving Eight's attire. Also, when I wrote this, I hadn't planned to invent any specific alien. I'd just thought of the alien's identity as I was writing the sentence about Eight and Daisy going in to see him. I couldn't resist.
> 
> Oh, yes. About the colour of Eight's trousers. They're usually described as "tan", but sometimes as "grey". I chose "dun", which is a sort of "greyish-brown". Obviously, a light dun-colour. I thought that was the best option to go with.


End file.
